An homage to Elizabeth LeCompte, Elfriede Jelinek and Einar Schleef.

Place
Act 1: Bridge of S.S. Terror in Space
Act 2: Transporter Room of S.S. Terror in Space
Act 3: Transporter Room of S.S. Electronovision

Time
Near Future

Characters (in order of appearance)
S.S. Terror in Space, a sentient entity
Terrorists, all-MALE crew of S.S. Terror in Space
Performers, all-FEMALE crew of S.S. Electronovision
Clodius, MALE captain of S.S. Terror in Space
Wooster, FEMALE captain of S.S. Electronovision
S.S. Electronovision, a sentient entity
Groundlings

Characters in Poison (Slow Acting), a play within Act 2. (in order of appearance)
Clodius
Wooster
Ghost
Hamlet
Claudius
Ophelia

Groundlings play Ghost, Hamlet, Claudius and Ophelia.

Scene I: Bridge of the S.S. Terror in Space. Props: overturned patio umbrella, chair and table. Background: b/w video of an outdoor swimming pool. Audio: The words spoken by the two ships have immediate effect, example: When Terror in Space says «Darkness falls», darkness falls.

TERROR IN SPACE
We are in deep space on a routine exploration when our path crosses with a rival’s. The initial engagement is predictable. Enter the crews of S.S. Terror in Space and S.S. Electronovision, with rapiers.

CREWS
Come on, sir! One! No! Hit, a very palpable hit! No! Well, again! Another hit, what say you? A touch, a touch; I do confess. We bleed on both sides! Poisoned!

TERROR
Darkness falls. (pause) Let there be light.

When the lights come up, the crews are gone.

TERROR
Enter our captain, Mad Clodius.

Whenever Clodius speaks, the background is a video of the January 6, 2021 Attack on the United States Capitol. As soon as he finishes, the next background replaces Jan 6.

CLODIUS
Not Mad! Chair!

Background: Exterior of Mar-a-Lago, 1100 South Ocean Blvd, Palm Beach, FL. Enter a Terrorist to upright chair, table and umbrella. After waiting for Terrorist to exit, Clodius sits.

TERROR
We have come a long way from being a 126-room mansion in La Florida, the Sunshine State, Orange State, Gator State, God’s Waiting Room.

CLODIUS
Aren’t you something beautiful? Fly, baby, fly! I could hug you! I really could!

Background: Swimming Pool.

TERROR
Many ups and downs during our travels.

Terror in Space stalls. Background flickers.

CLODIUS (stands)
More ups! Great ups!

Background: Swimming Pool. Terror in Space restarts.

TERROR
Called Mar-a-Lago, which means «Sea-to-Lake» in Spanish, the two-storied, crescent-shaped adaptation of the Hispano-Moresque style, with upper and lower cloisters along the concave side of the crescent facing Lake Worth, was built between 1924 and 1927 CE for businesswoman and socialite Marjorie Merriweather Post.

CLODIUS
Who? Never heard of her.

TERROR
Thunder.

Background: Exterior of The Performing Garage, New York City, USA.

TERROR
Electrono?

ELECTRONO (off)
What?

TERROR
Is that you? Before Planet Earth became uninhabitable, you could have passed for an auto-body shop, a brick face on Main Street US of A.

Background: Exterior of Bockenheimer Depot, Frankfurt, Germany.

ELECTRONO (off)
Not a train station?

TERROR
Back’d like a train station.

Background: Exterior of Akademietheater, Vienna, Austria.

ELECTRONO (off)
Or like a hotel?

TERROR
Very like a hotel. Like us, you are a sales vessel in the ever expanding entertainment field of the cosmos.

CLODIUS
Listen up, who’s ready to sell? What’s your best pitch? Untold riches to the winner.

Enter Captain Wooster.

WOOSTER
Who chooses the winner?

GROUNDLINGS (outside Terror)
Open up! We know you’re in there! We know you have money, food and water, a warm bed and bath!

CLODIUS
There’s your answer.

Background: Swimming Pool.

TERROR
A passing cluster of Groundlings, the most nomadic, most unpredictable, most numerous–

CLODIUS
Losers.

TERROR
They are judge and jury.

WOOSTER (aside)
If things get ugly, there’s a vial in the attic of Electronovision. Labelled Poison (Slow Acting), the vial contains a script in liquid form, a drop of which is said to cast a spell comically, tragically, or what you will, over entire peoples.

WOOSTER and CLODIUS
Places!

TERROR
Places!

WOOSTER
None of the «untold riches» are advanced for rehearsals.

TERROR
Kill the lights.

GROUNDLINGS (outside Terror)
We’ll be back!

TERROR
The expletives of the Groundlings have been stricken from the record.

Enter resurrected Crews, with electric lights. With a wave of his hand, Clodius destroys the (offstage) S.S. Electronovision and then shoots members of both Crews.

CLODIUS (to Rump, his imaginary friend)
Business as usual. (to Wooster) Prepare to lose.

Exit Clodius (and Rump).

image credit
Still from «Film from the first public hearing into the January 6, 2021 attack on the U.S. Capitol» by Ross Dunn, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.