Hooligans!

Soccer «hooligans» had trespassed on the country club’s cherished asset, its golf course. «New Business» was last on the agenda. Punishment was in the stuffy air.

Vandals!

Fred, we do as much damage ourselves on any given day, and no members were out in the inclement weather. The boys treated the—

Invasion!

As a kind of training session.

A show of hands should conclude this farce.

They were emulating—

Muddy oafs!

After a long wait in a wood-paneled hall where the course routing and hole diagrams were displayed in gold frames, the perps joined the committee proceedings. Appearing for the defense, a forward, midfielder (their captain) and goalkeeper.

You have the floor, Captain.

Thank you, sir and committee, for the opportunity to explain our actions. We were reading a new book about soccer, studying diagrams and photographs of exemplary play by international professionals, things you don’t see in 1976 America because soccer isn’t on tv or covered by newspapers. One rainy day, like they have in England, we passed your golf course, which has better grass than our field does, and…

If you’d found «Mein Kampf», «I was a Communist for the FBI» or «Stokely Speaks», would you follow their lead?

Fred, you’re out of order. Captain, it’s only fair to caution you that we have sworn statements from one of the club’s security guards and the police.

The same guard who shot at us with a real gun and eventually shot our ball. There were lights in the clubhouse, so, to avoid detection, we got as far away from it as fast as possible. At the first tee, Aston Villa keeper Jim Cumbes. Raise your hand, «Jim». Cumbes distributed the ball with a massive clearance, which was won by forward Ray Graydon. Step forward, «Ray». Graydon raced down the fairway past defenders to the Shrewsbury goal, the bunker on the left side of the green, where his shot into the sand brought Villa Park to its feet.

I see your school mascot is a «Blue Devil». Do you know why you are the «Blue Devils»?

No, sir.

I’ve heard enough.

Fred could be heard in the bar.

Blue Devils!